Seeing the Red + the Green Flags
In the dating game, we’re always warned to watch out for the red flags. To be fair, finding out sooner rather than later that you’re not the most compatible match is a good thing! (Well, it is for those who choose to listen at least!)
Sometimes our rose coloured glasses stop us from seeing those red flags, so here are some you should be on the lookout for:
Calling all of their exes crazy
There’s a common thread between these instances, and let me tell you, it’s not their ex’s babe. It can be easy to demonise their ex partners, but remember that there might be a reason all of their relationships have ended badly, and one day you’ll find out what that is.
Never having spent time alone to grow
Keep an eye out for this if they’ve jumped straight from their mum’s house to yours, or from a long term relationship into your arms. If they won’t go to the doctors without your prompting, say they can’t help with the cleaning because they don’t know how to mop, and still quote Borat, throw them out of the nest. They need to learn to fly without you and figure out who they are by themselves.
Keeping you hidden from their social media
This could manifest as things like declining photo tags, posting everything but you on their Insta story, not wanting to update their relationship status on Facebook, putting Ghost mode on Snapchat when they’re at your house. You want someone who is proud to be with you babe; you deserve to be shown off.
Falling too fast for you without any substance to their sweet nothings
They’re talking about meeting your parents, planning the Eurotrip you’ll do together, and blowing up your phone with “I miss you” messages but you’ve only been on a few dates? Danger zones. They could be projecting an idealised version of you in their heads, or they might just be saying what they think you want to hear.
Putting the pressure on you to determine the relationship status
News flash, buddy: a relationship is a group project. Putting the pressure on you to decide where you’re at either means they don’t care enough about the answer, or they know you’re more likely to say ‘let’s just see how things go’ rather than ‘we’re in a relationship’. You don’t need that kind of manipulative apathy.
While these lessons are valuable, we believe looking out for the good in others is just as important. Maybe it’s naïve optimism on our end, but we believe it’s time to start pursuing mates with a positive intent! Looking for the good in others and connecting with what sparks your joy.
For those of us used to only spotting red flags, recognising the green ones can be difficult, and jarring. We can even be a little bit flag colour-blind, and confuse green flags for red. Which is why it’s important to be able to see the indications of a healthy relationship in the making:
Having a genuine interest in your career
You spend a lot of your life working, so you want a partner who gives a damn about your day. Who pushes you to take opportunities at work or school because they can see your potential. Who understand what a big deal it is when you nail that Excel formula, Christmas eDM, or window display. Someone can’t be your cheerleader without caring about what they’re cheering for.
Adoring your friends and family
The Spice Girls said it best when they sang “If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends”. Finding someone who loves your girl gang, calls your nan for her birthday, and who genuinely means it when they say “Say hi to your mum for me!” is the BEST.
Encouraging you to spend time enjoying your hobbies
Just because someone doesn’t understand why you’re super into CrossFit, or making earrings, doesn’t mean they shouldn’t think it’s awesome that you do. Your partner should encourage you to spend time doing what you love!
Supporting you to try new things
This is the epitome of not being held back in a relationship. Whether it’s a career change, or ordering that pizza with the mushrooms and anchovies, you want someone who supports your exploration and sense of adventure. Whoever you’re with should want to see you succeed and grow!
Being open to each others intimate exploration
This is a big one. In green flag relationships you should feel empowered to explore your sexual dynamic in any way that feels right for your bond.
If adding a toy - or two - to your pleasure game is something you want to lean into, then check out the Vush Self Love range for ways to level up the love!
