My Grandmother Had a Secret Boyfriend

I recently found a picture of my Grandmother lounging in the lap of a man I didn’t recognise. It was hidden at the back of the frame that held her wedding photo, but the man in the picture was not the man she married. We sent the photo to family all around the world, but no one, not even her sister, knew who he was. We came to the only logical - and the most fun - conclusion: Granny had a secret boyfriend. 

My Grandmother was a heavily independent woman, known for her temper, a halo of cigarette smoke, and her questionable spaghetti. Once, when I was too young to appreciate it, she told me the story of her family's escape from Poland during WW2, her adolescence in Barbados, and her eventual journey to the shores of Australia. But that’s where the story ended. 

I never thought to ask who her first love was - Is it the man in the photo? He’s wearing sandals? Could she have looked past that? - I didn’t get to hear stories about whirlwind romances, or her heartbreaks, because I think, like a lot of other people in our generation, I didn’t even consider that my Grandmother had a love life. 

I know her experiences were worlds apart from mine. She was strict about no sex before marriage. She married young, into a good family, had some kids, and tried to be a dutiful housewife like she was told she should be. Meanwhile, I’m single at 27 with a trail of red flags behind me, doling out sex toy advice to strangers at bars and popping birth control like Tic Tacs.

Despite the vast difference in how we’re spending our 20’s, I hope that some of our experiences were the same. That we both felt the same butterflies around someone cute, both had the same questions about our bodies, both lay awake at night planning our futures. I think it’s a shame that we never shared those stories with each other. But I know the biggest gap in our experiences as young women is how society viewed female sexuality. 

We are so lucky to live in a time where we can talk about things like sexual wellness without embarrassment or stigma. I know that wasn’t an opportunity my grandmother had, and am grateful that the world is changing so information and discussion about our bodies and pleasure is open and honest. Having these discussions with the women in our lives means we can work to keep each other safe. Whether it’s with family, friends, or a girl in a club bathroom, we have the chance to help each other make informed decisions about love and sex.  

I sometimes wonder what my Grandmother would think of my job now. I like to think she’d be pretty excited that I get to write about things she had to hide, or didn’t experience. That she’d get a kick out of me telling my boss about my date on the weekend. That she’d be pleased I will never have to hide a picture of my ex behind my wedding photos.

My grandmother had a secret boyfriend. Maybe.

I’ll never know who he was, because I didn’t take the chance to ask. In the end, I suppose it doesn’t matter who the man in the photo is. He’s not the most important person in it. She is. 

Feeling the vibe? Check out the Vush Self Love Collection now!